for what its worth...

the mother has left the city, and i am once again, solo.

thankfully i am starting to become good friends with the other interns, and once i am finally settled in my new apartment, i will start getting more involved in the city through clubs, or sports...you know, with all the free time i have.

today someone in our office dropped her phone in the toilet and we needed to put it in some rice. there was no rice in the office, so an intern went out on the errand to buy rice...

later our office ran out of light bulbs for something and needed someone to quickly go buy more, so out i went. as i was going down the elevator, a service man who was at the desk when i was given the task made a comment about how interns are treated like trash and are forced to kiss ass to get the job they want.

that made me think about the talk the ceo gave us, and how she said when she graduated from college, it was so easy to get a job. for my generation, it most certainly is not. and yeah, this internship comes with tasks that sometimes make me think, this is what i moved out here for?! but i know this work will pay off. and im counting on it. 

even though it would be nice to just get my dream job or at least a job in my dream company right away, i would rather have to put in the grunt work to get there, because it will just make it that more satisfying. but im not gonna lie, if glamour or self magazine were to walk into our office tomorrow and office me a position there, i would sure as hell take it.

sometimes as i walk the city, i wonder - is this where i want to be? of course it is. i have been dreaming about coming to nyc since i was a freshman in high school. i continuously pinch myself to remind myself that i really have made it here...physically.

im still in the awkward transition period where i am not in my 'home', so i dont feel completely settled, and i haven't completely gotten into my rhythm. i don't know where i will be going to get my groceries, to get my laundry done, to go to the gym...and i am not a creature of uncertainty. i like to know whats going to happen five steps from now. so this experience is good in teaching me to be okay with uncertainty. a wise, loving person once told me how important it is to be able to sit with uncertainty in your life. so thats what im doing. im 'sitting' with uncertainty. i know i have this internship till i run out of money, but i dont know when ill get a job - the goal is to be employed by my birthday, november 25, which shows i am also very optimistic haha.

but im in a good place with good contacts and a good possibility of getting to where i need to be.

if all fails, or i do end up getting my 'dream' job and i find that this place is not for me, it is good to know california, or even london, will always be there. yes. id love to move to london. anglophile forever and always.

<3